So it was the summer that they called me Baby... wait, I'M quoting friggin' Dirty Dancing now? I hate that movie! I'm sick. Let me try this again... It was the summer before 6th grade, and things were looking pretty good for me. I made straight E's in 5th grade, started on my AAU basketball team, made a club soccer team, middle school was just around the corner, had my first boyfriend (josh, my major crush), and with that came my first kiss. Many of you are thinking, "Kiss? Like a real kiss? You mean you "frenched" someone in the 5th grade?!?!" YES, I did. I ran with the fast crowd then. Funny how we then referred to kiss kissing as "frenched." For instance, "yeah, on the back of the bus they frenched." Today, I can't imagine any of my friends telling me that they saw some people frenching or that they frenched someone on their date. We just say kiss or made out, and it is safe to assume that it's a french kinda kiss.Anyway, so after my basketball game at this tournament in Ardmore, OK, my family with my friend Jenny and I go to a restaurant for dinner. Somehow that evening top secret information about me kissing Josh was leaked from the lips of Jenny to my sister, Michelle. I for some reason felt a great amount of shame, and didn't want my sister to know. Probably because I didn't want anyone to know about it, especially my family. I was 11, cut me some slack here. The next thing I know, my sister says to me, "I'm going to tell Mom!" I'm like, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! DON'T! Please, please, please..." She realized at that very moment that her annoying little sister had in fact kissed a boy before she did, and that REALLY pissed her off! I mean, she's 2 years older than me, for crying out loud. And I'm sure her friends were kissing boys and she felt left out. Vindictively, my sister decides that her summer could be quite relaxing if she used this information against me.
As the summer began to unravel so did the torment of my sister. Mind you, I always had the upper hand growing up. I used to annoy the living daylights out of Michelle. If I got bored, I would go into her room and bug her until she either pinned me down and licked my face to death or yelled too much profanity at me that I couldn't take it. (Note: she also used to play that Dirty Dancing song that I HAAAATE with PASSION to get me out of her room.) I continue my normal pattern of behavior beginning of the summer, i.e. if you're bored go bug Michelle. But this time she, with the top secret info on me, says, "if you don't get out of my room I'm going to tell mom about..." Then proceeds to stick her tongue out like she's frenching the air. I'm like, "NO! Okay, I'll do whatever you want." She indeed then occupied the immediate power over me, and from that moment on I turn into THE nicest little sister EVER! I know hard to believe. For example, while playing in our pool I was so nice to Michelle and her friends while they were over swimming. I wouldn't harass them ilke I usually did. I would bring them beverages, hand them their towels, etc.
As the summer began to unravel so did the torment of my sister. Mind you, I always had the upper hand growing up. I used to annoy the living daylights out of Michelle. If I got bored, I would go into her room and bug her until she either pinned me down and licked my face to death or yelled too much profanity at me that I couldn't take it. (Note: she also used to play that Dirty Dancing song that I HAAAATE with PASSION to get me out of her room.) I continue my normal pattern of behavior beginning of the summer, i.e. if you're bored go bug Michelle. But this time she, with the top secret info on me, says, "if you don't get out of my room I'm going to tell mom about..." Then proceeds to stick her tongue out like she's frenching the air. I'm like, "NO! Okay, I'll do whatever you want." She indeed then occupied the immediate power over me, and from that moment on I turn into THE nicest little sister EVER! I know hard to believe. For example, while playing in our pool I was so nice to Michelle and her friends while they were over swimming. I wouldn't harass them ilke I usually did. I would bring them beverages, hand them their towels, etc.
Oh, that summer I gave my sister full-time control over the TV remote. DO YOU REALIZE how horrible that is DURING the summer? I spent the ENTIRE summer watching lameo programming like Jem, soaps and shows that were on USA, which BTW is no longer in existence for the mere fact that their programming sucked! I wanted to watch CHIPs on TBS! I thought they were hot chasing speeding cars down the 405, is that wrong?
So yeah... I was blackmailed. I don't know if anyone out there has ever been blackmailed, but it sucks! I mean, you're controlled by someone who has something over you. Totally sucks! My summer and youth were robbed!
Eventually my observant mom starts wondering why her youngest daughter is all of a sudden being nice to her older sister. It was too odd for her, I suppose. Towards the end of the summer, my sister tries to blackmail me into something again, but this time my mom intervenes and says, "Okay, gigs up, Michelle. Stephanie, I know why you've been so nice to Michelle lately. She has been blackmailing you this whole time, and I know that you frenched Josh!" Of course, at that point I don't know if I was more mad that my mom knew, or that my wretched sister told my mom and was still blackmailing me! Regardless, I was mortified, completely and utterly mortified. To make matters worse, my mom asked me about the kiss. Eww!
So yeah... I was blackmailed. I don't know if anyone out there has ever been blackmailed, but it sucks! I mean, you're controlled by someone who has something over you. Totally sucks! My summer and youth were robbed!
Eventually my observant mom starts wondering why her youngest daughter is all of a sudden being nice to her older sister. It was too odd for her, I suppose. Towards the end of the summer, my sister tries to blackmail me into something again, but this time my mom intervenes and says, "Okay, gigs up, Michelle. Stephanie, I know why you've been so nice to Michelle lately. She has been blackmailing you this whole time, and I know that you frenched Josh!" Of course, at that point I don't know if I was more mad that my mom knew, or that my wretched sister told my mom and was still blackmailing me! Regardless, I was mortified, completely and utterly mortified. To make matters worse, my mom asked me about the kiss. Eww!
5 comments:
Good post, informative and funny. I'm a little confused by the grade letter you mentioned, "E"? At my school, they skipped from "D" to "F" and neither was a mark to be envied. Also what is AAU? I can see just see you flying over your opponents, going for a two-handed, tomahawk dunk.
Guess my memory's not what it used to be,
--Your Mom
there was nothin' french about my first kiss with herb . . . naw, that kiss was OUT OF THIS WORLD!
i want to thank everyone who actually read my entire blog; that will be my last novel-blog.
po, steph
I just want to thank you for bringing back the term "frenched". I think I'm going to pull that out on the Harji... on a repeat basis.
i think if we all started trying to bring back the verb to french, we would all be happier, just like we were in middle school. that was such fun time in my life... um, yeah...
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