done

i've decided to end my blog mostly because i've lost interest in it. i left a couple blog entries that are my faves.

the end.

my week in jail... i mean, vail

So last week I spent the entire week in Vail, not jail -- like my mom first thought when I told her. "You're in jail?!"

It was weird, not the snowboarding part. That I LOVE to do. I spent most of the week going solo. When you're by yourself on the lifts and at a ski condo, either you're more likely to talk to people or other people are more likely to talk to you.

Needless to say, I observed several things. Though some of this might sound judgmental or whatever, but nonetheless these are my observations... so deal with it.

I felt like most of the people there weren't necessarily hardcore or avid skiers and snowboarders -- dude most of them were coasting on the greens -- they were usually folks who had some serious money like where they could buy super expensive lift tickets, pay for airfare, and condos or a house (which many owned those). The privilege.

I know what you're thinking, "aren't you one of those privilege?"

Well, I would say I'm that local die hard who's addicted to snowboarding because I am. Not to say those guys aren't addicted to their yearly trip to the slopes, but it's just different. To me it doesn't matter where I ride as long as the snow is good and lift lines are short I'm a very happy camper!

I guess, to be honest, I felt out of place amongst the wealthy. It's almost the middle-class kid showing up at the exclusive country club in the neighborhood and realizing that he/she has more in common with the bathroom cleaning lady than the members.

Sorry if this sounds critical, it's more of an internal conflict I personally have. I met so many people who vacation at Vail or Beaver Creek and spend tons of money for just 4 or 5 days on the slopes, probably what they pay for their lift tix is what I pay for my season pass.

Needless to say, I don't think I'll stop snowboarding or anything like that because of this. Really it's more like an odd feeling I have. I can see why so many of my friends screw the resorts and head to back country. They do it for the love of the sport not for the prestige, power, and way to show-off your wealth to your friends.

Anyway, I loved my trip and very much appreciated the free ski condo I got for the week.

"non smoking dogs"

After several weeks of house rental hunting, my roommate and I are very close to securing one.

I must say, we've seen some funny ones, but I feel like landlords are some of the interesting characters. Like this one dude was totally Barney Fife. Sounded like him and everything.

What cracks me up are people describing their rentals. Um-yeah, this one guy was like "are you ready to see a place that will change your life?" We saw it and my immediate thought was if I lived there I would end my life. I think I've seen public restrooms as better options.

Man, yesterday we looked at this one. Geesh, first these guys on the other half of the duplex we're yelling at video games, and then when my roommate walked by they yelled "hello" and then "I love you". We both were like no way just dealing with obnoxious college boys. Then the landlady walked by and yelled at them for talking to us. So, we go inside and my first sniff was like "wow, it's a potpourri of cat urine, mothballs, mold and ass. Gee, let me think -- um no!"

I've decided that words that people use to make their rentals sound better like for instance 'cozy' = closet; 'full basement' = storage basement; 'unique' or 'charming' = wacky nonconforming piece of crap.

Lastly, my favorite craigs some posting had 'non smoking dogs only' um, okay...

So, hopefully by this weekend we'll sign a lease!

DQ

"I don't eat meat..." "Shwto?"

This scene from 'Everything Is Illuminated' makes me laugh for so many reasons. The post-Soviet culture to being a veggie. I can't tell you how many times I've had this conversation with Americans, not Russians since I wasn't a veg then. And, I'm amazed that my choice to be a vegetarian offends people. I don't understand it.

But ya know, we live in a society where people solely eat meat, no fruit. Any diet out there that says you can eat greasy bacon and not fruit is totally jacked up!

But if you're at all interested in learning more about being a vegetarian / vegan then click on this link. It'll answer some of your questions like: How do you get enough protein if you don't eat meat? Heard of a complete protein before? Beans + rice = complete protein. Hummus + pita = complete protein. Much healthier than meat.

Things I remember...

the time I woke up being carried by my mom; someone was trying to break into our house while my dad was out of town. After being carried and flung around like a ragdoll, I rubbed my eyes and realized that I was in my parents' bathroom. There I was just standing there trying to make sense of the everything. My mom was frantically calling the police while our dog Ginger was barking like crazy and my sister was dancing around the bathroom because she had to pee. My mom told her to go to bathroom since we were in the bathroom; that wasn't the funny thing but the fact that my old house had like over 20 phone jacks throughout the house, even in the bathrooms. I guess my mom was glad we had one; the robber 'the snake' didn't officially break into our house, just tried to.

my first fear of losing someone. I was in pre-school and while my carpool dropped me off, we noticed my dad's car was home, which was unusually since he was supposed to be at work. So, I go inside and find my parents in their room embracing as they sat on their bed; my mom was crying. My dad told me that she had wrecked the family station wagon. The next day or so we went to the junkyard to get some of my mom's personal belongings; the car was all smashed up. So I kissed the car hoping it would turn back into the car it used to be. I knew at that moment that magic was fake... but the truth is I knew I was very close to losing my mom. It definitely scared me enough that I wouldn't let my mom out of my sight for years... nothing could happen to her if I was around.

I also remember cussing for the first time. I was like 6 or something and I called my sister an "ass" when we were playing some game. I think my mom just laughed.

Losing my first tooth after biting into a chewy cookie.

Seeing 'ET' in the theatre.

Laughing so hard that I hit my head on my bed frame and then got a concussion. The babysitter was taking care of us. After we dropped her off, I puked in the car all over the place.

I forged my mom's signature in 5th grade because I didn't want to go to some dumb choir thing. My mom busted me and said, "I would've signed it if you didn't want to go. But I must say your forgery is quite good." I like it that my mom gave me props for my forgery techniques. A skill that came in handy.

Every night growing up I lied in bed terrified that the scary ax guy standing outside my bedroom was going to chop me up to death. I was just lying there scared to death. I didn't move a muscle in case he knew I was watching him. The next day I would check for foot prints by my bedroom window. No prints, but there was a small shrub there that I believe to this day morphed itself into a scary ax man.

My high school art teacher, Mr. Leaf, thought that my drawings were phallic. Okay, weirdo. But he was the guy who sold, ahem, I mean stole my design, creation for $50 to the boys soccer team. Bastard!

Lots of things come to mind, I suppose.

craigslist giggles

Lately I've been obsessed with craigslist especially with (a) finding a new place to live and (b) finding a bike.

Below is one of the funniest craigs' postings I've ever seen! Well, besides some of those creepy personals.

check it:
http://denver.craigslist.org/bik/368492314.html

[Note: since the link is being lame here's what you would've seen]

**CLOWN BIKE ** - $25
Reply to: sale-368492314@craigslist.orgDate: 2007-07-07, 9:07AM MDT27"tall bike. Adult can ride! Cash only.

Chainsaws, spanish, allergies & pine trees

This morning I woke up to the sound of men talking, okay more like yelling. I was super annoyed because just 3 hours before I was blowing snotrockets into some recycled TP. Up all night, actually.

Allergies.

I hate allergies.

This is my second round this season of feeling like butt from allergies.

So when I heard these men yelling, I was beyond annoyed. Granted it was 8:15 a.m. and I was still in bed; at about 2:30 a.m. I had already made the executive decision to use my sick time.

I then realized that these guys were yelling in spanish. Then I heard a chainsaw.

My immediate thought was how do I yell out the window 'shut the &*@# up!' in spanish!? I'm not a very nice person when I'm sick and trying to sleep...

So, I got out of bed and immediately went into the bathroom to blow more snotrockets and do some nasal irrigation.

I then contemplated why the following have let me down: claritin-D, claritin, flonase, alegra-D, republicans, etc.

More chainsaw noise.

More of me cussing in my head (no espanol).

I realized at this point that I'm dying. Dying of allergies. I remembered that there's this huge tree outside one of my bedroom windows. Pine tree over three stories in height. That's why I'm dying.

Then I was trying to think of the spanish text for: Please cut down the pine tree by my window.

Decided to wash all of my bedding to get rid of the pine tree pollen, which I suspected was causing my problems.

So... I went to the doc this afternoon got a new prescription for some new allergy meds. She thinks I might have sinus infection. Suck!

The end.

Blocking Babushkas

No this isn't a name for my new emo band, although I'm liking the name. It's actually this idea I have to combat the porn industry.

You see on Colfax St in Denver there are some hip places to grab a bite to eat, chill at some local indie coffee shops, see a show at a cool venue and that's all with the backdrop of prostitutes sauntering the streets and the plethora of XXX stores.

If I had it my way I would get rid of those stores altogether! But apparently they have quite the business.

I've had this crazy idea to hire grandmas (babushkas) to stand in front of the doors passively blocking store patrons from entering the store.

I got the idea from my time in Russia. In Russia these old ladies or grandmas are called babushkas, and they're so-called uniform is a scarf over their head and they typically carry bags of stuff, and I would definitely say they are quite feisty.

The babushkas there were always telling you what you should and shouldn't do. For instance, it was in the upper 50's, which felt super warm to us, so a friend of mine was wearing flip flops. This babushka told her off, in Russian, that she shouldn't be wearing sandals. I can't tell you how many times I was told to wear a shwapka (hat) when it was not hat weather.

Babushkas aren't afraid to speak their minds, especially when it comes things that the youth are doing wrong.

So, having a campaign of some sorts with these grandmas blocking the doors I think would work. Passive aggressive, perhaps it is. But I can guarantee you that these blocking babushkas will keep men second guessing entering the dodgy stores.

THIS is my subtle way to block the porn industry.

Bicycle seats the culprit for deflated love lives?

So apparently we can all stop blaming our parents and ex's for our deflated love lives... well, that is if you ride a bike. You can now put the blame on bikes!

Why bikes? you suspiciously ask.

Well, it's not so much the bike itself but the actual bike seat.

After riding your bike or going to spin class you get off your bike and you've probably noticed that you're a bit numb in the bicycle seat area, i.e. crotch.

Traditional bike seats, the kind with a narrow rear and pointy nose, could lead to or play a role in sexual impotence, sadly.

In fact, there was a study by Boston University in Italy found that the more a person rides, the greater the risk of impotence or loss of libido -- seriously! And, mountain bikers experience 'saddle-related trauma' as well.

Those crafty bicycle seats mostly affect men's love lives, however, women can have similar issues to men, i.e. low sex-drive or sexual dysfunction.

Whew! Before you start crying and bringing your bike to those expensive counselor appointments or even posting your brand new bike on Craigslist, it's been suggested to buy a new seat for your bike that's specifically designed to protect your privates.

Or, you could try a different position while riding your bike.

Or, you could just continue riding your bike, like you do, with a numb crotch, and become a Nun or Monk. I hear they have some great internships!

good-bye flip flops (sniff, sniff)

This morning I walked to work, but this time I looked different. It's Friday, even though it's not casual friday I always manage to be less concerned with my Friday attire. I'm a rebel.

But since it's basically summer, I wore a casual skirt and a blouse, mostly casual business. OK, Colorado business casual. But, my shoes... you'll laugh and think I'm a dork, but I'm wearing my running shoes. Yes, running shoes! Because of this recent pain, I just can't walk in my flip flops anymore. So, I've decided that I'm going to have to retire my flip-flops until further notice.

Totally sucks because flip flops = warm weather = cute flip flops = painted toes = me happy. But the reality is flip flops are horrible for your feet. I'll probably sport my chacos, they have support, but I'm gonna have to say peace out to my flip flops.

So sad.

But when you're in pain you have to admit it and choose comfort over cute.

'Please come to Denver' campaign

So, a few weeks ago I sent a little email to Trader Joe's telling them to please come to Denver.

I think if we all write in then Trader Joe's will start looking into it, and that photo to your right will read: 'Denver, CO NOW OPEN'.

Below is the canned message they sent me; and below that is my original dorky message.

Click here and write in the subject line 'Please come to Denver' and that's it; if you want to write more like I did then that's fine.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hello Stephanie,
We appreciate your suggestions and enthusiasm regarding opening a store in Colorado. We regret to inform you that at this time we have no confirmed plans for a store location in this area.We are always looking for new locations and are open to suggestions and we appreciate the information you have provided. It truly shows us what a great fan you are of our stores when you scout locations for us! We will keep your recommendations in our files for future consideration. We do have plans on coming to the state. However, due to lack of warehousing and vendors to supply product, we do not have the capabilities to yet supply the area. At this time this state in not in the Trader Joe's 2-year plan. The sale is alcohol is not an issue with where we place our stores as we are in a number of dry states. You can keep up to date of new store locations by accessing our website at www.traderjoes.com.

Thank you for your inquiry and thank for thinking of Trader Joe's.

Kellye Trader Joe'sCustomer Relations

-----Original Message----- [mailto:************@yahoo.com] Sent: Friday, April 20, 2007 10:48 AMTo: Web Customer RelationsSubject: Trader Joe's General Feedback

Dear TJ's,

First I love your store. Anytime I'm in Cali or NM, I go to them and stock up! And, so do all my friends in Colo. So, please come to Denver, CO!

Don't let the booze in the stores stop you either; Super Target in Glendale, CO sells liquor in that store, they somehow found a little loophole.

You would have a great market here, too. All my friends LOVE TJs! Denver is like an annex of California.

Sincerely,
Stephanie
Denver, Colorado

nice lady to POS

last week right before this interview for a human interest story for work, a teenage girl asked to borrow a cell phone. i let her use mine. to keep this story short i'll cut to the chase. it turns out she was kidnapped and taken to an apt a couple doors down from where we were doing our interview. i helped her call 911. later after the police came i filled out a police report. i had to tell them everything she told me.

although it was quite sad for her, for some reason now i keep thinking about how this whole thing was so timely and why i got involved. i was the one who arranged the interview, picked 4:30 instead of 4:15 pm. in fact, i know if we were any earlier or later we would've missed her. another thought i have is my choice to engage with this girl. i knew when she asked to use a cell phone that something was very wrong. i also knew when i later asked her if we needed to call the police that i was going to get more involved here. i even asked her if the men hurt her-- they did.

i don't consider myself a good samaritan by doing what i did because i'm sure most of you out there given the same situation would've done what i did. you would've helped her. right before she got in the police car i told her she was brave and that she was going to be okay. she referred to me as the 'nice lady'.

right after leaving the interview and dealing with the police and the kidnapped girl, i stopped by wal-mart on my way to another work related thing.

i typically never shop at wal-mart, but I went for a work related reason and i had to buy something. while looking for something and simultaneously hyper-ventilating, a woman called me a "piece of sh*t." gee, thanks.... merry christmas to you, too! a loathe wal-mart!

so, in less than an hour i go from 'nice lady' to 'piece of sh*t'!

'It'

It.

What is 'it'?

'It' could mean so many things...

For instance, with OJ Simpson 'it' meant murder. "He did it!" I mean, "What if I did it?"

Then I keep thinking about that one Seinfeld episode where Elaine says, after her date, "He took it out." In that case 'it' means... um, well... male genitalia. There. I said it.

Of course, in high school / college 'it' meant sex, apparently, at least I think it did...

My favorite form of the word -- in 4th grade, this super smart kid (actually went to Harvard), Chung Lee, would inevitably say 'it' after our entire class said, "shhhhhh!" Ya know, now that I think about it, Chung was pretty funny. Shhhhh... 'it'. Very funny. I'm going to try that at my next work meeting or something.

Well, that's it.

10 things you never knew about me...

On this blog I tell many silly stories from my past, e.g. my sister black mailing me, running away with my hobo stick, the glove man, etc. I also share what's going on in my life from the wacky things like my deodorant quandary or my nun internship to the more serious like my recent health woes. Needless to say, I have many more stories to share and divulge to my faithful readers; moreover, there is so much that I haven't shared. So, with that said, here's 10 things you never knew about me... keep in mind I know some of you already know about some of this stuff.

10 things you never knew about me...

1. My only 'hollywood crush' was Fred Savage from The Wonder Years. I wrote him a letter when I was in 5th grade, and so did my best friend Emily Yeh. He wrote back some canned photo & signature. [In fact, that picture to the right is the exact one 'he' sent me!]
2. I always wanted to play the drums, but my mom wouldn't let me and I played the piano for two years until I broke my arm in 6th grade.
3. My favorite animal is the African Elephant - sad they have been killed for their ivory tusks. Sick, greedy bastards!
4. I've never smoked weed nor have I bonged a beer. HOWEVER, I've watched and babysat my friends who did. Sober can be funny!
5. I have a knickknack phobia. It started in college my first semester in the dorms my roommate had like over 100 little dalmatian knicknacks all on her side of the room. Apparently, if you own a dalmatian you're supposed to collect knicknacks. She even had her senior pics taken with her dog. Creepy.
6. I was a Safety Patrol Captain in 5th grade; yes the dorky orange belts and helping kids cross the street. I carried a whistle and bossed my classmates around. I thought I was da shiznat!
7. I can't sleep if my bedroom door is open and I must have white noise!
8. I am a registered Independent - in high school I claimed to be a Democrat, then I became a Christian in college, in the bible belt, and thought that I had to be Republican if I was a Christian. Boy, I didn't know anything then.
9. Every year growing up at my church, First Presbyterian Church in Norman, OK, had a Christmas Pageant, and I was always an angel up in the balcony, and I sang in my church choir -- I actually liked it. We also did numerous musicals.
10. I only write in print; in fact, I can't write in cursive anymore -- too sloppy. But I do have a cool signature, I've been told. That was perfected over the years... ya know just in case I got famous!

My new specs, TIM, etc.

My friend Alison and I scored some new specs last week...

TIM

This week while working out at 24Hour I was people watching in the mirrors, as I normally do, and saw this gal with a shirt that said 'TIM' on it. First thought, TIM? Who is TIM? Maybe he's her crush or something and she's doing advertisement to catch him. I thought, "That's a fabulous idea! I should totally make a shirt that has my crush's name on it! I'm running out of ideas here, and maybe that'll work?" Then after thinking that and designing my 'Crush Shirt' in my head, she turned around towards me and her shirt said 'MIT'. Right. MIT. NOT TIM. She went to some brainy school, which I obviously couldn't get into since I thought the shirt said 'TIM' on it. Stupid mirrors!

Tomorrow is my much anticipated surgery to remove the 'mass' on my right femur / hip bone. I'll be out for awhile, but I hope to update my blog during my recovery.

Peace.

Deal Breakers

Not long ago, my friend Brad was telling me about deal breakers. He and his friend wanted to create a game called Deal Breakers.

He was referring to dating relationships or pre-dating relationships where we either let those little things slide or we make that little annoying habit or idiosyncrasy a deal breaker and put the kibosh on the relationship. I think Seinfeld had a lot of deal breakers on their show.

Examples of Deal Breakers:

1. You live downtown. He doesn't know (or want to learn) how to parallel park. [True, I ended a 'relationship' because he couldn't parallel park.]
2. He never tips, or only gives a 5% tip.
3. She has an annoying laugh.
4. He has a small toy poodle that he pets all of the time, takes the little dog everywhere, etc.
5. Her apartment smells like a cross between glue and vomit.
6. He wears tapered jeans.
7. She doesn't shave her pits.
8. He never has toilet paper in his apartment.
9. She constantly gossips about people you know about.
10. He only eats fast food and refuses to learn how to cook for himself.
11. He or she has facial hair.
12. She has a blog.

What are your deal breakers?

entropy.

It's been awhile since I've written on my blog. Mostly because my mind has been in 10,000 places. But with that said, I'm reminded about entropy. I'm not into science at all, but I like the idea of entropy which describes probably everything that is going on in my life.

What is entropy?

• Well, essentially the idea of entropy is disorder in a system. And, this has to deal with thermodynamic laws, but for us normal people out there I'm going to simplify this for us.
• We are constantly maintaining these systems, e.g. mowing lawns, cleaning, showering, etc. For instance, if I neglect doing my dishes or picking-up my crap that I've left all over my apartment then what would happen? Unfortunately things don't magically return to their proper spot (strangely growing up my stuff always got to the right spot - thanks to my A.R. mom); instead, my apartment would look like a cross between a junkyard or 50-yearold bachelor's pad. So, I'm constantly maintaining my apartment -- dishes, sweeping, laundry, straightening up, dusting, wiping counters, etc.

From the basic maintenance of an 650 sqft apartment to laws of thermodynamics, I feel like this 'notion' of entropy stems from the 'fall' and because of that we, too, experience entropy. For me, physically, I'm going through some health problems the past few weeks. The kidney stones (Urethra Franklin and Stone Phillips) are still in my kidneys and I should have them 'blasted out' in the next few weeks. AND, the radiologist not only found my stones but he/she also found some kind 'abnormality' on my right femur (femoral neck) - could be a cyst or some other kind of 'deformity'. Although, I would love to say that I'm fine, I'm not freaked out at all. But to be honest as my body experiences this 'entropy' I'm a bit uneasy about it. I tend to think of worst case scenario - which is every scary thing you can think of -- losing a limb. Then I'm like oh, it's probably nothing... but what if? So you see I'm trying to have a good perspective, but this waiting is killin' me.

I need patience. I need peace. I need healing. I need to surrender and allow God to walk with me through this odd time. I'm sure trusting God is huge part of it. I've even given myself pat answers, but to be honest I don't want to hear them. So, I told myself to shut-up the other day...

I should hear back from my orthopedic surgeon sometime this coming Monday or Tuesday. He has to review my MRI.

Though I'd love to continue to process this on my blog - but my main purpose in writing this is a request for prayer. I believe in prayer, and if you are the praying type I ask for your coveted prayers.

An announcement: I'm having 'twins'!!!

Well, several of you out there already know about this, but during my birthday dinner last night my doctor called me to tell me that I'm having TWINS!!!

Needless to say, I'm beyond surprised by this, for several reasons...

Yup, I will be giving 'birth' to two kidney stones in the ensuing weeks. Although I'd love to be excited about this, I'm just having a hard time, but I guess it beats having a tumor or something.

Oh, btw, the stones' names are going to be Urethra Franklin and Stone Phillips!

Their debut is forthcoming... I'll keep you all posted! There might be 'stone' shower next week, too.

Gee, 29 isn't so exciting as my body continues to fall apart as I continue age. Totally bites.

WHOA NELLY, I'M 29!!!

Hard to believe, folks, but I just turned 29 today. Very creepy.

Here are a few birthday highlights...

• Today was the most gorgeous day outside! Perfect weather!
• I took the day off from work!
• I rode my bike to REI. While reading my book outside the REI Starbucks, a pigeon made some noise then I looked up and saw grunty poo coming down towards me. With my cat-like reflexes I was able to dodge the droppings. Whew!
• Apparently Victoria Secret remembered my birthday better than most people; they sent me a little $10 gift card. That'll help me put a down payment on a G-string I've had my eye on.
• Had dinner with some fun friends at Mercury Cafe. Tasty. Although, the tea that tasted like an ashtray wasn't a hit for some reason, but the rest of the food was good. Thank you guys for coming! Loved the cards and gifts--even though I said NO gifts! :) Muchas gracias!
• I told a story of the time I puked in kindergarten; Alison couldn't stop laughing, which made me laugh super hard! Not sure if it was funny, but I enjoy laughing hard while trying to tell a vomit story.
• My fam hooked me up: Dad = cha ching, Mom = car insurance for the next 6 mo, sister = fun earrings. Thanks you guys! Wish you could've joined us for dinner.
• Plethora of voicemail messages, phone calls and emails from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, thank you!
• Lastly, my doc called me during dinner, and told me that I'm having 'twins'! (More on that later.)

A couple of goals for my 29th year:

1. To not get married by age 30.
2. Laugh more.
3. Take off more, actually use my vacation days.
4. Love God and people.
5. Rest.
6. Give.

PS - my friend Hunter wanted me to increase the font size. I hope this helps!